we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
