last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
