but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
