yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
