I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
