She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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