What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
