I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
