ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
