'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
