hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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