I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize