I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
