I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he puts the penis in happiness.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
