Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my phone needs a breathalizer
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
