You just made me feel so damn special
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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