oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
