dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
