Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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