hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
