I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
