The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
North Korea, Best Korea!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
