Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
