Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
