i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
