how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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