its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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