i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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