you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
