i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
