WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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