She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
