I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
