Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
