You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
