did you get engaged???
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
