I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
