Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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