So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
