my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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