im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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