I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
