Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
