I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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