my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
