I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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