forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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