I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
