i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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