Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
