The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
