NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
