I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
