So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
