Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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