It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
