Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
