you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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