If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
