the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
