Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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