based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize