I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
