I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
