Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
