I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
