I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
