I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
