He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
