I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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