So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
