I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize