She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
