a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
