I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
