She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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