Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
