He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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