i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
