Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
