Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
