Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
