return my video game
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
