I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
