Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
