I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
