there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
