i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
worst night to have a conscience
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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