Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
