I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
