How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
