Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize