It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
