She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish you could order shots online.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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