TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
