Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize