It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
