all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
