im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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