I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
