Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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