My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize