a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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