Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize