The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
